91TPU

ok, so usually im pretty good with making my own mind up...but im stumped on this one, and would like some outside advice...here we go i dated a girl over the summer last year for about 8 months...the girl was amazing, her family was amazing, but she is 2 years younger then myself, and was just about to grad hs....well she graduated, and got accepted into college, with a nice scholarship, i was like hell yea go(i stay home, go to a community college). so a few weeks before she is off to school, we break up, she cites that she needs to be independant,(she always had a guy in her life, and this was a big growing/changing point for her).so we break up, and then she comes back here and there, and well, when were together, nothing is different its like were dating, but when shes gone, the idea/pain that shes not mine comes right back...so then things go downhill, we start fighting, stop talking for about 5 months, on and off she makes an effort, but i tell her too little too late...she IM's me the other day, and well i miss her, and think about her alot, so i talk to her, we get to talking and we starting reminiscing and well we end up being friends again...well now it gets tricky, with all this the feelings for her have really come back, i mean i truly loved this girl, i really did, and losing her hurt more then anything in my life...now its like what if we get back together, things are fantastic, and then the summer ends and shes gone again, thats something that i just cant deal with...but at the same time, what if it lasts past that, etc... my biggest thing, and i told her, is i cant be like we were for those few months after we broke up, i can be just a friend with benefits, i need to be there either full time, or not at all...but with us things are bound to happen, in or out of a relationship... gimme your thoughts, ideas, etc...

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87' 4runner...22re...31" Bridgestone Dueler AT-New project rig and winter dd.
91' 3vze...190k...31" BFG All Terrain's...K&N FIPK-SOLD
07' Civic Si-The Daily Driver.

91TPU

bump for it being almost three AM here and me not being able to sleep...

__________________
87' 4runner...22re...31" Bridgestone Dueler AT-New project rig and winter dd.
91' 3vze...190k...31" BFG All Terrain's...K&N FIPK-SOLD
07' Civic Si-The Daily Driver.

Tofer

8 months over the summer?! i want that kind of summer! lol jk


i dont know what to tell you... that hard. i agree wiht the all or nothing.

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94 4runenr: all the good stuff.......
89 4runner: 3.0, Auto, 5.29 lockright f/r. 31x10.5 wildcountry ATs.
81 2wd pickup: 22R | 5-sp | long bed |Civic SI seats | LockRight | Hella 500s

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paxil4x4

Long distance relationships are hard to keep together. I would just move on and find someone else.

91TPU

shes only 1.5 hours away, and ill prolly be attending school about 20 minutes away from her when i finally get outa here

well i dated her right before summer, and then all thru the summer, all i know is it was right after snowboarding season ended

__________________
87' 4runner...22re...31" Bridgestone Dueler AT-New project rig and winter dd.
91' 3vze...190k...31" BFG All Terrain's...K&N FIPK-SOLD
07' Civic Si-The Daily Driver.

Injohneer

A love - or infatuation, whatever - that strong will haunt you forever if you leave her without giving it your all. The next girl will hear about this one and say, "So you would still be with her, if she had just lived closer?" And you'll think YES and say NO and she'll know you're lying and feel uncomfortable.

If both of you are willing to make a firm commitment to your relationship and making it work, then you should. Talk about it. About the logistics of traveling back and forth on the weekends until you move closer. How many months will that have to happen? Talk about being so committed that you don't have to worry about anyone else stepping in, when you're not together. Expect some changes in each other since you last dated...not big ones, but slight changes. Nobody stays the same.

If you don't make that firm commitment, get back together, and realize you've changed - then it will fall apart and hurt like before.

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Trail/Build Rig: 1981 Toyota Pickup 4x4, flatbed
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RIP: 1995 4Runner.

Mark in MD

She sounds like a keeper. Problem is, in reading your post, I'm not sure if the feelings you have for her are reciprocated. I think, somehow, you have to nurture and allow to grow whatever feelings she has for you. This will be hard, because she sounds like a hottie, and probably gets a lot of attention from other guys.

I think you need to be visible, yet you need to act somewhat aloof. A little ping of jealousy on her part might help (e.g. she suspects you are dating somebody else). With luck, she'll realize she needs you.

Pest

I agree with all the above, I can't really add much, but I do know that you want to try and avoid a situation where you are more in love with her than she is with you. That always causes problems.

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-Pest (Nate)

1985 4Runner
278,xxx miles and still young!
2" lift.
32" x 11.50" BFG A/T's on 15" American Racing Wheels.
Aussie Locker in the rear
Commando Car Alarm with Power Locks and Remote Keyless Entry
Rewired power windows to run with ignition off.
LCEngineering Header, Magnaflow Muffler, 2.25" Exhaust

Rock Crawling puts the FUN in Funeral.

Red3.slow

I kinda agree with that I've been though one of those. We dated for almost two years went though a rough time we broke up got to gether and then she started sleeping with someone closer to her. I had no way of getting up there to, well, release some stress on his face ( luckaly I never did). Give it your all but don't keep falling in her lap or she'll get to the point where she'll think she can have you back when ever she wants, Not a good place to be in.

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91TPU

thats the exact situation that im trying to avoid...her getting so comfortable with me coming back that i just become her rag doll...i guess we will just have to wait and see...

she comes home for the summer tomorrow, and is back till fall semester so, time isnt really an issue right now lol

__________________
87' 4runner...22re...31" Bridgestone Dueler AT-New project rig and winter dd.
91' 3vze...190k...31" BFG All Terrain's...K&N FIPK-SOLD
07' Civic Si-The Daily Driver.

hmmwv15

Well, even one and 1/2 hours away can still be difficult to do, but it sounds like you know what you want, so I say if things work, go for it. If they don't work, I would probably call it quits even though you love her so much.

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I haven't failed, I've just found several different ways NOT to fix this truck. :D

Sean

HuskyRunner

Talk about everything, and if you both feel the same way go for it! If you don't you'll always wonder "what if." If you do get back together, and it doesn't work out, you know you tried and it wasn't meant to be.

__________________
-Cam
1998 SR5 4Runner, www.4crawler.com 2" body lift, 255/85/16 BF Goodrich M/T's
http://www.yotatech.com/showthread.php?t=115083

rustyrunnerboy

i agree that long distance is a real bugger...but live for the moment...don't push anything for the summer, if ya'll get together then awesome and keep it that way, don't think about what happens at the end and then when the end of the summer comes around then deal with it...live in the moment is all i can really say, they always say live this day as it's your last so just do that...but most of all as i've learned the hard way: TELL HER WHAT YOU FEEL, don't let it go unsaid and she'll appreciate the effort it takes to say stuff like this cuz it's common that guys aren't very good at it...

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Texas Jim

You know a little honestly goes a long way. If you live for the moment and live as if everyday is your last, that's great! only problem is you don't die or go away, and your left with the feelings you had on thoes days, you were living for the moment.

I agree with the all or nothing attitude. I feel the same way, you need to have a very serious talk with her. You need to explane how and why you feel this way!! Be honest with yourself, and her. Maybe she feels the same way, maybe she doesn't, you will never find out till you explane yourself to her.
Let her know she is what you are willing to die for! She may not feel the same but if she doesn't you have cleared the "air." Plus you have also allowed yourself to heal for doing this and excused yourself from being her "lap dog!"

This won't be easy to do but if will be the most refreshing way to deal with this awakward situation. It will also help you move on with your life if she rejects you. I sincerely hope for your sake that it works out for you!!! I think by putting your cards on the table will also help her with her feelings toward you.

Good luck!! Let us know how it goes. TJ

dijlop

lose the women, focus on ur truck. i think thats what im gonna do. if a chick wants me, she can share me with my truck.

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Dead '94 2.4L 22re 2wd pu, k&n air filter, thrush glasspack, 4in over stock rear shackles, 1.5in ball joint spacers, 4in infinity reference dash speakers, pioneer head unit, 10in p2 sub, alpine amp. bed cap topper thingy. great for campin.

Current-2004 toyota tacoma, 2wd, 3.4L, prerunner, e-locker, tow package, trd package, ext cab, alpine head unit, polk speakers all around, punch p2 10" run off a alpine mono amp, silver paint. ohhhh its purty...

jskijoe

I feel your pain my friend. I have a girl that is about 6000 miles away and it is one of the hardest things I've dealt with. In fact, I'm in Brazil right now trying to straighten some things out regarding our future since we've been together for a year. I agree with what some of the previous people said in that you shouldn't have any regrets. You don't want to be kicking yourself later but you don't want to turn into her bitch. I regretted not trying a long distance before because to this day, I think I should have married her. Maybe that's why I won't give up as easily this time. For you, don't over react to what's happening, keep your cool when you talk with her about things and she will respect you for it. Above all, she has to respect you as a man so be smart, realistic, and give it all you've got. Really, 1.5 hours isn't that far away so if you both determine you want it to work, it will be worth it for both of you. I assume you're young so keep your sights focused on your goals outside of her and you'll be happy no matter what happens because you're taking care of number 1!

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'91 4x4 3dot slow

3.4 Swap in progress...

Other rides: 2002 BMW 330i

rngrchad

I had a girlfriend, dated her all through highschool and college. 6 1/2 years worth of good times...thats what i told myself anyhow. She was at school 2 hours away, but it worked because I was dedicated to drive and see her almost every weekend. She was super smart, hella hot, and very successful as far as society is concerned....I on the other hand lived paycheck to paycheck, job to job, just so i could pursue my passion for climbing and traveling to climb in more remote places of the country. We called it quits and i don't think either of us have felt so deeply torn. It's been almost a year now without her....i moved to the pacific northwest to be closer to the mountains and realized that I had spent a majority of 6 1/2 years unhappy....I didn't know it but the whole relationship kept me from feeling truly free----i felt bound to a place, and a woman that I liked, but obviously didn't love. I never realized how much clearer my thoughts would become without worrying about her constant insecurities in me. It comes full circle though, as on a backcountry snowboarding accident this winter I broke both forearm bones....which healed wrong resulting in surgery to rebreak them and place steel plates to align them. I'm now back in ohio, broke, no chance of climbing in the remotely near future. So I guess it all depends on your personal outlits...and how much you devote to what you do outside of your relationship. I no longer have my climbing(at least not for a year or so) to pursue and therefore would probably get along with my ex 50x better.
sorry for the rant....

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2008 Tacoma TRD Access Cab v-6. 97 regular cab tacoma 33x9.5bfg at, 4.10 gears, custom sliders, custom rear bumper, 4xinnovation tube doors, lockright. 1983 SA Axle Frameoff Restore. CB: Connex 3300hp Radio driving a FatBoy Amp doing around 1000watts on AM. Antenna: Monkey Made MM5
-=NO BAMA 08 =-

dijlop

i almost had a tear there man. glad u followed ur passion.

__________________
Dead '94 2.4L 22re 2wd pu, k&n air filter, thrush glasspack, 4in over stock rear shackles, 1.5in ball joint spacers, 4in infinity reference dash speakers, pioneer head unit, 10in p2 sub, alpine amp. bed cap topper thingy. great for campin.

Current-2004 toyota tacoma, 2wd, 3.4L, prerunner, e-locker, tow package, trd package, ext cab, alpine head unit, polk speakers all around, punch p2 10" run off a alpine mono amp, silver paint. ohhhh its purty...

olharleyman

Treat a lady like a whore and whore like a lady and see what you get.

Meaning banger while shes there and enjoy her as much as you can then when shes ready to go back to school just treat her like any other female in your life and watch how it rips at her emotions.
Once she figures it out then you have complete control of the situation and it will be her asking for advice from her friends and you may be the big stud they all try hooking up with either way you win. You get the girl.
The more you treat them like you do care the more you they abuse you and there power over you but if you reverse the table and treat them like they don't matter then the more they want you to try to control you so if you really want her that bad tell her ya whatever and go on like she don't matter then you have controll of the situation and make the rules.

__________________
1990 4 runner 5 Speed
Pro Comp Stage II 4" Lift 6" coils rear
Aussie Locker front
5.29's Front And Rear
35 x 12.5 x 15 MT's Micky Thompson Classic II Wheels
Super Charged 3.4 on the way

1993 SAS 4runner 22re 5 speed
4" front 5"rear
5.29's
35 x 12.5 BFG KM'S
Dick cepek DC 1's

88 stock 4runner
3.0 auto
for now

1955 Harley Davidson Springer
Stock 1955 Hardtail Frame
4 Speed
Kick Start Only


1998 Harley Custom Dresser
107 rwhp
139 ft.lbs.trq.

dijlop

untill she gets major po'd and blows up ur truck. theres songs about that dude. its real.

__________________
Dead '94 2.4L 22re 2wd pu, k&n air filter, thrush glasspack, 4in over stock rear shackles, 1.5in ball joint spacers, 4in infinity reference dash speakers, pioneer head unit, 10in p2 sub, alpine amp. bed cap topper thingy. great for campin.

Current-2004 toyota tacoma, 2wd, 3.4L, prerunner, e-locker, tow package, trd package, ext cab, alpine head unit, polk speakers all around, punch p2 10" run off a alpine mono amp, silver paint. ohhhh its purty...

jskijoe

I agree with dijlop...but olharleyman has a point. You can still have control by taking the lead but not following her or begging her for anything. Just don't let your emotions take control. It's kryptonite for men in my opinion...

__________________
'91 4x4 3dot slow

3.4 Swap in progress...

Other rides: 2002 BMW 330i

Godzilla

Nice! Best thing ive heard in a while. If there is no expectations on this, then treat it as such. Just enjoy it man, if you guys hook up then cool, if not then cool. The more you obsess about it the more youll probably mess it up. Just always keep yourself as a priority so you dont get screwed over. Oh ya, I would trade the 1.5hr distance in a second compared to my travel time..so suck it up buttercup.

CJM

I say move on, impossible to hold these kinda relationships up. I had the same problem, girl over the summer but went away to school-before the summer ended I broke it off..

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96' T100 SR5 4x4, ISR mod, Custom ABS snorkel, KC 57's Hella optilux el cheapo backup lights. Cobra 19III CB, Firestick 4ft antenna, Bilstein shocks.

Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

Injohneer

Best thing I've seen said on this topic for a while.

The thing I hate most in people is when they're not satisfied with themselves, and try to "fix" themselves by who they're dating (or married to).




Too many times, people apply the consumer attitude towards relationships. Like olharleyman, for instance:

Sounds like he's talking about a Jeep. Wheel the fire out of that thing then take it to the junk yard. You sure showed it who's boss, huh? Not to mention all the fun you had muddin'. But it wasn't a good truck like a Toyota, just an ordinary piece of jeep.

Yeah, if I had a daughter and someone was talking about her that way...watchout

__________________

Trail/Build Rig: 1981 Toyota Pickup 4x4, flatbed
Tow Rig: 2001 Chevy 2500HD Duramax 4x4, X-cab Long Bed. Will be my tow rig, when I get a trailer.
RIP: 1995 4Runner.