96redtoy

So, you’ve watched ‘The Fast and the Furious’ eight times, and you live by Dominc’s famous words, “I live my life a quarter-mile at a time, in those ten seconds or less I am free,” you are a bonified street racer. If you’re fat please don’t confuse this life motto with, “I live my life a quarter-pounder at a time, no lettuce or tomato and french fries for free,” you’re just a bonified fat .
Anyways, before you go blowing your cash on a fixed-up Honda, Nissan, or Acura, take a look in your own garage first. If you own any type of imported vehicle, you can be a street racer! You don’t need a fast car; all you need is some stickers, sweet driving skills and a little imagination.



Driving Techniques

First, let’s discuss how to properly drive your imported vehicle. Even if your import has a stock engine, you can’t let anybody else know this. Although people rarely know the difference, a little mystery will help your image. Driving your vehicle properly is imperative. Think of the street cred points you would lose if you drove just like every other Average Joe? Here are some driving tips that are sure to get you the reputation you deserve:

ALWAYS drive fast, even if the next stoplight is only 500 feet away.
Try to secure the front spot when waiting at a stoplight. Make sure your front end is all up in the pedestrian crosswalk to let everyone know who is boss.
If you cannot secure the front spot, be sure to stop behind a car that has a higher probability of driving fast. For example: If you are faced with the decision of either stopping behind a Dodge Caravan or a Ford Focus, choose the Focus even if you are almost at a stop already. Cutting people off makes them realize how fast and powerful your car is.
When driving in traffic: One word. Weave. Always try to get in front of people who are blocking your way to VTEC happiness. If someone refuses to heed to your Japanese balls of steel, drive about one foot behind them. This is international car talk for “Please move your vehicle when possible”. If somebody honks at you, it is not because you are driving recklessly; it is simply horns of applause at your aggressive, talented driving.
When you see a Mustang GT or SRT-4 on the freeway, casually pass them and put on your hazards on, signifying your win. Immediately go home and post on your favorite internet car forum that you raped a Mustang on the freeway. Then have fun with your self to the thought of your 4-cylinder naturally aspirated monster destroying an eight cylinder with low HP per liter, realizing that at sexual release, only the feeling of going into VTEC is better than anything else.
Car Image

The image of your car is important to you as a street racer. Without it, you are nothing. Image is MUCH more important than what is actually under the hood. Here are some simple steps that enhance your bragging Horse Power (numbers you don’t need to worry about, just know it makes your car fast in Honda land):

Step 1 - Lower your car: all street racers have lowered cars, without it, you might as well be driving a Yugo.
+ 5 Horse Power

Step 2 - Body kit - Be sure to have a body kit on your import.If you can’t afford one, make it out of cardboard. If you can, don’t worry about painting it, this is not important to your street racing image.
+ 10 Horse Power
[ Extra Horse Power if your car has a primered body kit with a painted car and you leave it like that for 6 months or more. + 2 extra Horse Power]
Step 3 - Carbon-Fiber anything: Carbon-Fiber makes your car lighter and faster.
+ 5 Horse Power

Step 4 - Spoiler: The bigger, uglier, more obnoxious the better. A well-placed spoiler SCREAMS “Street Racer”.
+ 7 Horse Power
Step 5 - If you are a girl: be sure to show your Honda power with a pink, flowery sticker that says “Powered By [Your name here]” or better yet, “Powered By Bitch.”
+ 2 Horse Power
[Again, + 2 Horse Power more if the sticker color does not match your car at all]
Step 6 - Muffler tip: Don’t waste your time doing your entire exhaust system. No street racer knows the difference anyways. Just go to your local muffler shop and pick up a 3 inch muffler tip. Sound is perhaps the most important aspect of your import.
+ 10 Horse Power
FYI: Don’t have time/can’t afford a muffler tip? That’s OK! Just get a drill and put a golf-sized hole in your muffler. Works just as well! + 4 Horse Power
Step 7 - Stickers: Stickers on your car enhance and add the much-desired Horse Power. They can be from anywhere, your local muffler shop, body shop, or the sticker from your favorite radio station. + 1 Horse Power for every sticker.
Step 8 - Car Color: If you are Mexican, make sure some kind of neon color makes it onto your import. No need for professional paint, spray paint will do.
+ 10 Horse Power

Step 9 - Your Nationality: Being short and Asain with spiky black hair gives you even more street cred…if you are ready to handle the attention, bleach the tips of your hair and bust out your Linkin Park/Jay-Z “Collision Course” CD + 10 Horse Power
Step 10 - Tagging your Acura as a Honda: There is no greater sign of greatness in the import world. If you live in the U.S., tagging your Acura as a Honda gives you the BIGGEST penis on the block! You see, in Japan, Acuras are Hondas.
+ a billion Horse Power
Pre-Racing/ Getting someone to race you:

Step 1 - Get in behind them and flash your brights, this is international car talk for “Would you like to eat my dust?”

Step 2 - When coming to a stoplight, intimidate your opponent by revving and rolling down your window to shout mild racing obscenities such as:

“Your mom goes to college!”
“Where did you get that spoiler?! The toilet store?!”
” I slept with your girlfriend last night!”
“I put my wiener in your sister’s mouth last night!”
Racing

Honk 3 times, and on the 3rd honk, place the pedal to the metal.

Winning/ Losing

Whether you win or lose, let your opponent know who they’re dealing with:

If you win, get in front of them and flash your hazards. This is international car talk for ” Oh snap, I kicked your ass, you stupid b@#$%^.”
If you lose, drive off with your head held high and don’t let them see you cry. Talk about them to your friends saying it doesn’t matter and thier car was a piece of anyways, and if you had a better launch you would have won.
Final Thoughts on the Street Racing Life

To finalize your life as a street racer, you must dabble in all aspects of street racing life. For example, you could visit the online Honda Forums daily or stop watching porn and look at live streaming videos of real Japanese Nissan Skylines,those down-and-dirty Toyota Supras or God’s own chariot the Integra Type-R. Whatever it is, remember to always live life a quarter mile at a time.

__________________
96 tacoma stock
2.7L,
5speed,
manual locking hubs,
31x10.50
cobra cb

GO GATORS

CJM

Oh man, i think people actually folow that crap.

One quick question: when my corvette gets next to them and the quiet exhaust makes them think they can take me til i give it some gas just to annoy them and it sounds like a screaming v8 do they cry?

__________________
96' T100 SR5 4x4, ISR mod, Custom ABS snorkel, KC 57's Hella optilux el cheapo backup lights. Cobra 19III CB, Firestick 4ft antenna, Bilstein shocks.

Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

Mister Willie

My 100 horses of airplane will beat any car all over the country. Deal with that.

__________________






I support MisterWillie.

ocdropzone

so all of those mods will help my POS '89 Tercel beat my neighbor's Impreza? Cool do you think I could mount the 20's from my Tahoe on the Tercel? (means tour in Hell)

__________________
~Robb
'81 Trekker SR5 B4Runner Build
'89 Tercel Project POS Gas Saver

TREKKER Forum
LINK TO ONLINE FACTORY SERVICE MANUALS
All Toyota Website Search Engine

Wheel Responsibly, Don't screw it up for others...

nix4x4

I killed my buddies Integra in my Tundra, with 2 yards of mulch in the bed!

Only time I've ever raced (a 4 cylinder)

I also beat a 351-powered F150, but thats a different story...

__________________
The Stable...

2002 Toyota Tundra SR5 AccCab V8 4WD
1992 Toyota Truck DLX Xcab V6 5-speed 4WD
1995 Honda Accord LX 4 door I4
Check out my sweet myspace

xcmountain80

You spent far to much time writing that impressive essay. I Love the part about passing with hazards. I had some in a wrx get on my ass because he couldn't pass in the other lanes, then when available he jumps around me and cuts me off. Well concerned with my own safety I turned the landing lights on (Light Force Blitz 240's with 1 gazillion candle power each and in spot mode) and got an apology in the form of hazards and a lane change form the wrx and I continued on my way passed him.

Aaron

__________________
02 4Runner, BudBuilt Skids, Custom Sliders, 1"+/- wheel spacers, Nitto 295's, Painted Limited Wheels, TJM-17, ARB-Taco BullBar, LightForce 240's, 1st Gen rollbar, Engel 45 with custom slide, SS 3" Lift, WabFab 1" BL, SS limit Straps, Viair 450C, Aussie Locker Manual hubs and Tru trac with 4.56, Garmin 276c, Icom V8000, Cobra 75, Hannibal RTT, Shady Boy Awning, Tru Speed calibrator, T-Max 9k, 100' MP syn line. Nitto 295's

904_runner

its kinda like us, but instead of stickers its armor. lol

and instead of street racing its wheeling.

lol ricers, gotta bring a smile to your face to hear those fart cans in the morning!


lol, that was pretty funny though!

__________________
1990 4runner SR5, 3.0 with 254K, 5-speed, 4.56 gears, , Rancho 9000's, 33X12.50's trxus mt's, rear lock right, 4" lift with lc coils in rear


My build thread
http://www.yotatech.com/f152/904_run...thread-158746/

CJM

Yea, but all of our mods are functional and we dont slap stickers on our trucks claiming they have this and that when they dont.

__________________
96' T100 SR5 4x4, ISR mod, Custom ABS snorkel, KC 57's Hella optilux el cheapo backup lights. Cobra 19III CB, Firestick 4ft antenna, Bilstein shocks.

Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

Mister Willie

mMne has a type R sticker right on the front axle. Makes the axle work.

__________________






I support MisterWillie.

rocket

Did you write that?

__________________
under construction: '96-'02
gone: '92

96redtoy

No I didn't write that wish I could call it mine

but when i read it i was laughing so hard i had to share it with you guys

__________________
96 tacoma stock
2.7L,
5speed,
manual locking hubs,
31x10.50
cobra cb

GO GATORS

Buhundred

That reminds me, this morning I saw a guy in a honda civic (fart can, fake chrome wheels, all that) but what interested me the most were his stickers. He had vtec,flowmaster k&n,adidas, and the best of all......

















TRD!!

__________________
'96 Toyota 4runner

Bone Stock, 96,200 miles. Its my dads, I can't even drive but I keep it nice & clean.

904_runner

Hey, don't knock those trd stickers, they add like 50 horse power!

__________________
1990 4runner SR5, 3.0 with 254K, 5-speed, 4.56 gears, , Rancho 9000's, 33X12.50's trxus mt's, rear lock right, 4" lift with lc coils in rear


My build thread
http://www.yotatech.com/f152/904_run...thread-158746/

zlathim

Very funny! Thanks for posting it.

__________________
Do you think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dipsticks?
Idiocracy (edited for family friendly viewing)

Tacoclimber

Not to be a "Debbie Downer", but while I can appreciate the humor in the original post, there's some imagery used that I think is inappropriate for the board. Maybe it can be slightly rewritten so that everyone can enjoy it in it's entirety?

__________________
CJ ...<><

03 DC TRD Tacoma 4wd with a bunch of junk.


Just wheel the stupid thing!!!
But do it responsibly, ok?

96redtoy

sorry about that I though I pulled it all out will read agian and fix if found....


<fixed>

__________________
96 tacoma stock
2.7L,
5speed,
manual locking hubs,
31x10.50
cobra cb

GO GATORS

Buhundred

__________________
'96 Toyota 4runner

Bone Stock, 96,200 miles. Its my dads, I can't even drive but I keep it nice & clean.

ozziesironmanoffroad

all you need is to have a dumbass mind. any dumbass can be a street racer. also.... acura IS made by HONDA MOTOR COMPANY. (HMC). people that dont know the difference are dumb... or just uninformed..

__________________
The 22r series engines are made from the fires of hell, and will fight tooth and nail to not be sent back.

1988 Toyota P/U 4x4
22RE 258,000 miles on original motor
pioneer CD deck
31x10.50x15 BFG A/T
BAJA 100W lights on prerunner bumper
KC Daylighters 100W
rancho rs5000
MUD IS A VALID PAINT JOB!
If not living life to the fullest, why live it?



my trucks official buildup thread