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Old 09-05-2006, 09:51 PM   #1 (permalink)
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getting rid of that old man smell...

sorry, long read, but i could really use your help!!!

so i posted in another thread concerning the old man living in my house. heres the story:

3 years ago my mother met a man on the internet, through ebay. completely randomly, shes happily married, etc, and not looking for any kind of relationship. besides, this man is 70 years old, crippled from a botched back surgery and is gay. they become friends. there is NO romantic relationship here, just making that clear!

May 2004: He(we will call him Dick, obvious reasons) and his partner with brain cancer are being kicked out of his house in las vegas. his landlord wants the place for herself. He has no where to go... and has no family. so being the generious people we are, always looking to help someone in need, come to the rescue. we make all the arrangements to move him and his partner out here. we cosign on a mobile home for him to rent, as his credit is poor enough to be rejected from a mobile home park.

mid-June 2004: we drive to las vegas, rent a truck (the largest you can rent with out a CDL) and proceed to pack up his stuff in 4 days. catch is he collects records. everything from 45s to 78's(which weigh a TON). my girlfriend at the time helps us out. we planned 3 days, it took 4 and a half. all said and done, we fill the 26' long box truck, and a large uhaul trailer, and head back for california. we move him into his new place, which we put up the first and security deposit on. total cost to us is in the thousands, and they dont have the money to pay us, but its ok because we do kind things for others.

Dec. 26 2004 Dick's partner finally dies of brain cancer.

alot happens here, but basically Dick cant make his rent. he is suppose to be selling his record collection, but doesnt for various excuses, this is really where it starts to turn sour. as cosigners, we have to make up the rest of the rent.

Jan 1st, 2006 Dick moves in with us. we have a spare bedroom, and moved his record collection into an airconditioned storage room, total volume of boxes: 600 cubic feet. IE alot!!! the deal is, you stay here and pay us as much as you can afford for rent each month, while paying for the storage (that is in our name) that he occupies. i graciously give up my office (the rooms are small, so i have a bedroom with a bed, tv, dresser, and then my office where i work) to him, so he can sell records to help pay for rent.

so basically heres the last 9 months summed up: he has put a handfull of records on ebay. he pays us about 200 a month, 125 of that is for storage. we buy his food, provide all utilities, cook most of the time, clean, do his laundry, etc. basically he doesnt do a ˟˟˟˟˟˟˟ thing except look at netflix all day. he sleeps till noon, goes to bed at 3am, etc.

my mom has told him countless times to put up records. he either doesnt at all, or puts a few up to shut her up for another month.

we come to find out he has family in pheonix (cousins, aunts, etc) and friends in san diego, and seattle. we were led to believe he had NO ONE.

heres the current situation: we are trying to get him to leave. its to the point that when i go into the kitchen, and see him in the family room looking at netflix, i want to hit him with a can of soup and beat him so bad they will have to use dna to identify his remains... my mother feels the same way, also remorseful that she ever put her family through this. i support her 100% because she truely had the best of intentions. ive reclaimed my office, hence him being in the family room. he lives rent free, utility free, free from all cost besides his storage, medication, and netflix.

so weve tried and tried to get him to sell records, its soured to a point where we just want him gone. i think he is the worst person ive ever had this displeasure of knowing. its become apparent that we got played, and played bad.

so how do we get him out at little or no cost to us? pheonix is over 300 miles away, and no guarentee of his family taking him. we dont want him living anywhere near us. just hoping one of you has a fresh perspective to getting rid of him. any questions, feel free to ask. i think i covered everything i can. i left out a lot of stuff, and as i said in the earlier thread, its really complicated!!!

thanks for reading, and thanks for your help! also, dont let this stop you from helping an individual. just dont put all your eggs in one basket. instead of giving a person 20 bucks, give 20 people 1 dollar!
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Old 09-05-2006, 10:16 PM   #2 (permalink)
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wow, what a situation :dizzy:

aside from pulling a gun on him and telling him to leave (not suggesting that!), it seems your only recourse is to set him up for a soft landing and tell him that he has 30 days to find alternate living arrangements and then boot him out. you may even want to give him a few hundred for a month or two to soften the landing even further. if he gets hostile from the time you say it to the time he is supposed to leave, call the cops and have him booted out immediately.

you guys have it over on him on the records because the lease is under your name. thats his only source of potential income and that is what you have over him. sucks to think that way, but this guy really pulled one over on you. i hate when people take advantage of other people :mad:

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Old 09-05-2006, 10:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Well, that is an amazing thing that your mother and family took in this man.

It's unfortunate that he has not made any effort to pay for things . He definetly needs to find a new home though.

As annoying as it may seem, I am sure your karma is at an all time high. It will come back to you eventually.
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Old 09-05-2006, 10:52 PM   #4 (permalink)
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I have nothing to say that will be of any consolation. You need to do this legally with professional council. One doesn't have to be a legal icon to know that the law in Ca. is not about obvious justice. You could end up being sued for everything.

On the generosity, there is a line which prudence dictates one should not cross. I have been anonymously generous in the past, but never with home base. I never let strangers know where home base is nor do I share it with them. Home is the one place where control is primary. Control is lost when third parties are introduced.

Though bad things happen to good people, some people are down on their luck for a reason. Typically, it's because they have successfully disassociated consequence from behavior. Others are down because their ambition lies with the playing of other's emotions for profit and are satisfied with whatever that brings as long as there is no work involved for the moocher.

I believe that a requirement is necessary for the recipient of alms to be mutually invested in his/her edification. When I engage in a charitable act, it is in concert with self help acts on the part of the selected beneficiary. An example would be, so-and-so needs help with his yota. I know what is wrong, he's a mechanical idiot, but we work on it together. I'll instruct, he turns the wrench and gets messy. I've invested my time and gilded humor in conversation, he's learned to fix his own ride and develops a skill for the rest of his life. Elementally, it is all about self-sufficiency. If I rescued him from his ignorance, he'd need rescuing again later.

This principle also controls for user types who, like some slothful Jungle character, swings from one source to another so as never to walk on his own. This is the character you have found...............which wouldn't be so bad, but now he occupies home base.

Make one last investment in yourselves and see an attorney. Get him out legally and don't listen to the sob story.

Edit: and give him his record collection back.....or just stop paying the rental unit. He'll find a way to save his beloved licorice pizzas
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Old 09-05-2006, 11:58 PM   #5 (permalink)
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yea, we really dont want any payment from him, and we certainly dont want his stuff. just want him gone and this chapter closed.

we tried to do a nice thing, but ohwell..

the reason we are trying to avoid legal proceedings is this: one, $$$. two, in california, its a BITCH to evict someone from your home. like taking months. giving him time to potentially vandalize our home, automobiles, etc. we would like to keep this as peaceful as possible.

heres how we are playing it tomorrow: asking him if hes talked to his cousins about moving in with them. like its a known fact hes moving (this isnt the first time we will have had this discussion). we are going to be very positive about it. he is not happy here, we are not happy with him here, so it is benificial to both parties. this is much more likely to get him out quickly and painlessly, not that im not going to let him have it when he gets on that plane...

what help i need is logistical help. how do i get his stuff 350 miles away (i believe thats what it was) with minimal input of resourses on our part. my idea was rent a pod, fill up our pick up and my yota with all his crap from storage (several trips back and forth.) and having the pod moved to where ever he is going. bad thing is its not air conditioned, and the health of the records would be in jeopardy

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Old 09-06-2006, 04:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Wow. All I have is a truly heartfelt best wishes to you and yours.

A little outloud thought, nothing useful:
Wonder if instead of asking about his cousins if stating something like 'since you are moving in with your cousins we've closed the account (and really do it) on the storage unit. I trust you have made arrangements for your stuff, but if not, our time is up next whatever day and we won't have access after that'.

Might check with a mover, too. Estimates are free. Then again, as you said, a pod isn't air conditioned and could compromise the albums...could be quite the motivator for a certain old freeloader. Not like he's going to let you keep them anyway, right?
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Old 09-06-2006, 05:20 AM   #7 (permalink)
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what help i need is logistical help. how do i get his stuff 350 miles away (i believe thats what it was) with minimal input of resourses on our part. my idea was rent a pod, fill up our pick up and my yota with all his crap from storage (several trips back and forth.) and having the pod moved to where ever he is going. bad thing is its not air conditioned, and the health of the records would be in jeopardy
You are still interested in being a source, so what would do is collude with his cousins. If they are willing to take him, go on a "road trip" to see them. In the middle of the night, disappear; leaving him there with them. Now you don't have to hear the whining.

Then give him say, two months notice that you won't pay the storage unit bill anymore. If he really cares about the records, HE'LL make arrangements.

If his cousins are unwilling, you are stuck.

I still don't understand why you care about the monkey he's placed on your back. Those precious albums are his anchor.
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Old 09-06-2006, 07:06 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Your mom is an amazing, generous person. People like her make this world a better place. Did you try to contact your local police dept. to see what your option?
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Old 09-06-2006, 07:22 AM   #9 (permalink)
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My thoughts are that you don't have to take him or his stuff any further than the local homeless shelter.
Talk to the people in charge before you take him, make arrangements to give them his posessions.
Make arrangements to protect yourself against him (restraining order?) wherever you take him, because 3 miles or 300, he may try to come back if he doesn't like it somewhere else.

Start Here
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Old 09-06-2006, 11:34 AM   #10 (permalink)
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i can help on the vinyl side $$

w/o any documentation on his end (bills or something in his name) the burden is on your family now this has been his home for xx mos (if he can prove that) and you need to show that he has violated his verbal financial agreements. the law tends to be on the (non-paying) renters side here. documnet the 30 days to quit and go from there.
it is not as easy as calling the cops and having him removed. sounds like his family is even less likely to help there.

GOOD LUCK! if he is homeless there are resources available for help.
or do like the pyschos from jail get, 1 way ticket to skid row in the middle of the night.
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Old 10-04-2006, 08:30 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Old 10-04-2006, 09:20 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Make a trail of moonpies and pennywhistles out the door, then slam it once he's out!

You give and give and give... and people take and take and take... And then expect more! What a wonderful cycle...
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Old 10-05-2006, 12:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
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yea sorry i didnt update.

we talked to him a few day ago (had another family crisis that my mom was dealing with, one battle at a time i guess)

hes agreed to move, hes going to sell records and we are going to help him out a little (just to help ourselves, its worth it for our own mental condition)

agreed to be out by the end of the year. hes got 3 months...

this is peaceful
if we feel hes jerkin us around, then we will get midevil on his ass.
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Old 10-05-2006, 08:58 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Sweet. Good to hear it's working in the right direction... for now.
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Old 10-05-2006, 09:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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yea, if hes going to be there for a few more months (which is ok, not the BEST situaiton, but pretty good given what we got to work with here) it mine as well be peaceful, just for our own sake.

if he ever gives us any ลลลล, he will be escorted out at gunpoint. im sick of his ลลลล. its even so bad as i can hardly stand to be in the same room, and his voice grates on my nerves.
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Old 10-05-2006, 09:39 AM   #16 (permalink)
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This is the main reason I dont help out alot of people-they can seem like the nicest person you met till you get to know them better or the live with you.
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Old 10-05-2006, 09:43 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Get it in writing that he will be gone come January.
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Old 10-05-2006, 10:14 AM   #18 (permalink)
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This is the best booklet ever: http://www.dca.ca.gov/legal/landlordbook/catenant.pdf

I've had to use the wise words in there many a times! Good luck buddy.
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Old 12-25-2006, 10:56 AM   #19 (permalink)
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ok so im reviving my dead thread, sorry.

for x-mas i got a card, made me feel bad, ill post the exact contents later as i dont have the card with me.

it was filled with 100 dollars

now the update of the situation:
he found a friend to move in with, in the seattle area. moving costs total about $4000. to move by march (what we all agreed to) he needs to make about 60 bucks a day, every day. hes maybe made 20 a day, and thats probably being generious. and he gave me and my parents a total of 200 dollars, money that could go towards his moving out of our house.

this is less to ask for advise, and more to vent on a lovely california christmas day! 74 degrees of x-mas goodness!
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Old 12-25-2006, 11:22 AM   #20 (permalink)
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hmm merry christmas but it sounds like you should give him back the money that he is gave you. he is probablly using it to "buy" his way back into your house. simply tell him i want you to leave and give him his money. if needed escort him with a shotty..you shouldnt have to deal with this anymore. i hope you can get rid of this cancer bestowed on you
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Old 12-25-2006, 11:22 AM
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