Cat Laws

***midiwall*** · 11-17-2005, 04:29 PM

Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Corollary: Unless it's 4am, you're sound asleep and you have a full bladder. Then a cat will always land right... there.
Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

Tacoclimber · 11-17-2005, 04:40 PM

I once heard the following:

Dogs look at humans and think, "You feed me, talk to me, love me, and take care of my every need. You must be God."

Cats look at humans and think, "You feed me, talk to me, love me, and take care of my every need. I must be God."

- Stinkin' little heathens....

EWAYota · 11-17-2005, 05:01 PM

Oh so true:

Intrepid · 11-17-2005, 05:11 PM

you get a lot of *****!

Paul H. · 11-17-2005, 05:17 PM

I hate cats, also highly allergic to them, they are to darn independant for their own good.

Tacoclimber · 11-17-2005, 05:29 PM

Intrepid, was that really necessary? C'mon, man....

Intrepid · 11-18-2005, 06:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tacoclimber

Intrepid, was that really necessary? C'mon, man....

Sorry, attempting a little play on words that I didn't think anyone would really find offensive...it was a joke.

Bluedog · 11-18-2005, 06:21 AM

The local building inspectors

They love to help out..... well actually supervise.

11-17-2005, 04:29 PM	#1 (permalink)
*midiwall* Sponsoring Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Seattleish, WA Posts: 9,102	Cat Laws Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Milk Consumption A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Corollary: Unless it's 4am, you're sound asleep and you have a full bladder. Then a cat will always land right... there. Law of Fluid Displacement A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. __________________ ~ Mark '96 4Runner Limited S/C MI - 370cc injectors, Air! horns, Airaid MIT, ATS A-arms, 285/75/R16 BFG MTs, Bored TB, Brembo slotted, Cobra 75 WXST, Deckplate, Downey headers, Hayden cooler, IPT valve body, Level 10 torque convertor, Meanstreak exhaust, OME/OME rears, On-board PC (XM, Nav, WiFi, etc), Port 'n Polish, Remote Start, SAW fronts, Hilux console, SMT-5, Stubb's sliders, Supra MAF, TJM-17, 2.0" pulley, Viair 450c, Walbro 190, Weasy2k cams

11-17-2005, 04:40 PM	#2 (permalink)
Tacoclimber Contributing Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Between a rock and a hard place, AZ Posts: 3,501	I once heard the following: Dogs look at humans and think, "You feed me, talk to me, love me, and take care of my every need. You must be God." Cats look at humans and think, "You feed me, talk to me, love me, and take care of my every need. I must be God." - Stinkin' little heathens.... __________________ CJ ...<>< 03 DC TRD Tacoma 4wd with a bunch of junk. Just wheel the stupid thing!!! But do it responsibly, ok? Last edited by Tacoclimber : 11-17-2005 at 04:47 PM.

11-17-2005, 05:01 PM	#3 (permalink)
EWAYota Contributing Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Richland, Washington Posts: 4,596	Oh so true: __________________ DJ 1994 Pickup 22RE, Engnbldr 261 cam, 5 speed. Tires that go around and around... Originally Posted By Fustercluck "Proof that Gangus did not spontaneously generate....he has relatives." Originally Posted By Tacoclimber "My two year old better get a job, soon..." Reply Posted By Oly884 "I hear coal mining is a great career." Myspace

11-17-2005, 05:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Intrepid Registered User Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Ashburnham, MA Posts: 2,719	you get a lot of ****! __________________ www.toyotacrawlers.com '85 4runner: 4.7's, FoxFab sliders, custom bumpers, 1" body lift, F-150 springs rear, lockright, welded third, IFS rear axle, 1.5" wheel spacers, high-steer, rears up front, Longs, 38" SX's on steelies, 12Voltguy dual battery, soft top, BMW seats. NO LONGER lacking an engine. :D :D Last edited by Churnd : 11-18-2005 at 06:10 AM.*

11-17-2005, 05:29 PM	#6 (permalink)
Tacoclimber Contributing Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Between a rock and a hard place, AZ Posts: 3,501	Intrepid, was that really necessary? C'mon, man.... __________________ CJ ...<>< 03 DC TRD Tacoma 4wd with a bunch of junk. Just wheel the stupid thing!!! But do it responsibly, ok?

11-18-2005, 06:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
Bluedog Contributing Member Join Date: May 2004 Location: Deerfield, IL Posts: 259	The local building inspectors They love to help out..... well actually supervise. __________________ 2005 Tundra iForce V8 4WD American Racing Teflon Mojave's. Pirelli Scorpion ATR LT 265/75 R17 1995 FZJ80 Wheeler's 16 Black Alloy Wheels.

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